Connecticut

the first victim was from Connecticut

male in assigned gender

and would have attractions (primarily) to those assigned female at birth.

He was

5 when his father told him to stop “crying like a girl”

7 when he was showed pornography, by the older boys, down the street and

15 when he was called a “faggot” for the status: Virgin.

He was 16 when he (kind of) heard his girlfriend say “no” or was it 
“wait, slow down” (he didn’t).

She was confused though she did not expect to be heard

because she was 6 when she was told to give hugs she did not want

and 10 when she laughed at the boys looking up her skirt.

She was 13 when she learned to make her voice high and breathy and to smile

always smile.

She was 18 and had 10 more experiences like her first until she found

Judith Butler, her voice and an attraction to her college roommate

whom, at 22, she left on the dorm room steps

They were

sad but did not protest because

they expected to be abandoned

they expected to be“novel,” an object with which to “fuck the patriarchy”, at best

but not real

never real

because they were 8 when they whispered “I’m gay” into the ear of the family dog

and 10 when they began to lose hours in front of the mirror searching for a self (a gender) they had never seen.

They were 15 when they accepted that making out was just to help their best friend practice.

This is why they were not surprised, at 22, when she left them for

a gender that was clear

her parents wishes

a nice young man, from Connecticut.

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Paradox for Pardon

Interesting how you worship the blood of a man, yet you are repulsed by the blood of a woman.

And which of these is actually responsible for eternal life?

You know the answer. You always have.

There is power in a creature that can bleed for days on end and not die.

Did this make you feel small? Scared? Insignificant?

Is this why you killed the witches?

You needed a nasty woman to make yourself into a righteous man.

If only you would have known that your worth is not dependent on the denigration of the other.

That sacredness is not about separateness, but rather the sum of all parts.

You did not need to murder mystery in order to find clarity. Now, you have only left room for paradox.

When you killed her, you killed yourself.

This is why your eyes are empty.  Your tower is golden, but hollow.  Your hallways are haunted (and you know by who).

There is only one way out of this nightmare (and our souls depend on it).

Resurrect the Witches

…and they will be the ones to resurrect the man.

Divine Difference

Come, follow me, so that I may also learn to follow.

Come, let me teach you, so that I may also be taught.

Choose me, so that I may also choose you.

Let me be a mirror for you, so that I may also see myself.

How lovely to realize that we can both be the favorited child.

Now we can build a sacred space.

 

In THIS sanctuary we do not speak of sacrifice, let alone the slaughter of lambs or humans.

Only a willingness to relinquish parts of ourselves, when the time is right.

How do you know when the time is right?

You will know when it feels like a relief rather than a reduction.

 

So, hold yourself with an open palm or closed fist.

It doesn’t really matter.

You will either squash what needs squashing or release what needs releasing.

The results are the same; Space to see “the self” in “the other” and “the other” in “the self.”

This makes for a Divine difference

Holy Matrimony

I am available for holy matrimony.

The mixing of you and me, the alchemy of the “I” and the “Thee.”

In my fullness, I offer

My Heart

My Soul

My Spirit

Picture me jumping into a clear lake

Submerging

then

Emerging

Intact.

And yet, porous and permeable to the offerings of

Your Cool Waters

Your Holiness

Your Sacred Heart

In matrimony that is holy, anything that is no longer needed simply washes away.

And what is true, my love, simply remains.

A Fire

7.31.12

I have learned to spontaneously cry at the sight of myself

Like a mother weeps at first sight of her child.

I wish that everyone did.

 

Whenever this happens, it is always surprising

Love like this is only felt in a manner of overwhelm

It is a wave that takes my breath away and moves me to a profoundly different place.

 

Have you ever felt it?

 

Lord knows I have tried taking the blue waters from my own eyes and attempted love showers

The result was a drought for me and a drowning for you.

 

Luckily Wisdom caught me this time and whispered into my ear,

“Do nothing. Stand back and ask, ‘How do you experience yourself, my love?'”

 

All this time throwing water on you, when what you have is a Fire.

 

Reverence

7.17.12

I lay myself down by the waters,

Surrendering to the gentleness that is me

Like the breeze, in the trees, that gives leaves their last breath

Detaching from needs to feel smarter, better, faster

Drifting towards Mother Earth, home to all that is true

When I land on her, she is soft, like my inmost parts

She hosts the epic return to myself

To Oneness

Reminding me of the Reverence that each heart deserves

YoursandMine